It's Great to Be a Man ...
Damn, it's good to be a man!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if somebody notices your new hair cut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's too icky.
Same work...more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000; tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear costs $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: " He must be mad at me".
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free? Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like .. Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
